how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
