Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
