I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
