Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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