Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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