I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
