Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
