watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
