Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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