u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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