I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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