i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
