I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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