New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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