I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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