I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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