I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
where are you?
Hypothermia
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
