im drinking this country out of the recession.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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