fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
