She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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