I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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