u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
