I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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