with your own penis?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
