Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
