Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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