Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
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