she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My feet surprised me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
