Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I would fuck him just for his dog
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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