Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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