i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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