was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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