her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
