I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
