Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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