So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
