so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize