god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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