And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
