How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
