The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
