I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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