third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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