haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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