Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
