If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am spending my child support on dildos
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
