Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
