Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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