I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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