I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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