my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
