I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
