Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize