You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
