I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
