We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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