we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
