I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
