i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
