Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
MIDGETS
????
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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