You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
