i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
