i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
