angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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