I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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