i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
