I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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