dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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