I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
