He asked to "fluff my boner.."
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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