Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
