you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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