So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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