He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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