You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I am puke
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
