But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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