i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have feelings that need drinking.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
