He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Found your dick twin last night
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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