How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm just crazy horny about you
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
