I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
