Pappa wants mamma naked
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
