I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
