i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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