I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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