So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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