I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
