When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
