the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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