We're like a lot better than the average bears
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
