She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize