Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
