did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
