We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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