i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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