Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
