I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You're like the curious george of whores
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Randomize
