And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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