Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
