when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
thus making me awesome and them whores
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
