I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
