well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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