Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
