She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
