I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
